I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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