That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
