Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
