he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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