end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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