he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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