i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
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We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
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When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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