Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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