wakey wakey hands off snakey
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize