Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
