If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
