you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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