really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
