It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Also, beer. Big fan.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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