So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
