I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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