Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
