I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
