I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
