I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
