May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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