Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
