I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
