I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
