Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
