Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
