We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You pole danced in your parka.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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