Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
