Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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