Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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