Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
