Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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