I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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