She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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