barbara walters just said penis...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
