so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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