i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
