We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
