You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
