I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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