I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
