our cab driver is having phone sex.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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