2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
