In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
