I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
