I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
