Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
