but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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