how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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