your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
