I queefed so loud it echoed.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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