i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize