4 words: hood of his car
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
