Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
