umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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