This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
