Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just had sex on a roof
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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