Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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