You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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