I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
