Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
