Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I want her autograph on my taint
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
