Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
