omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
