so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I enjoy the company of your penis
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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