I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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