Screwed.edu
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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