My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Congratulations! We have a period
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
