I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
