And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
