He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
there is puke in my bra ... again
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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