he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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