The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
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Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
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We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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