i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
