why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
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i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
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So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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