bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
