after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
