Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
