every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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