She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
