Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
