I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When did angry sex become our thing?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
